i have given up.

i am so sick of making efforts to talk to people, when they seem not to care or don't put the effort to talk to me, i am sick of everything and everyone. i need a holiday.



on the other hand, tomorrow i am going to book my tattoo and get a new nose stud, tonight was somewhat fun, making pina coladas for my mum, making her happy was such a great feeling.









this is so fucked. we all deserve to rot.

" when the voices in your head are your only friends left"

i don't seem to post anymore, i don't really have a lot of time, between school, art, banjo, my kittens and hanging out with my closest friends.


i'd like to say i had been doing some great things, not true though, i've been pretty lazy. i need to get away from this place, i'm going insane.

it's been a while

since i have felt like this, i am the happiest i have been in a while, i have amazing friends and people in my life. pretend that i have a horrible life because it's just not true, i am lucky enough to be surrounded with some of the best friends a person could have.


i am glad we meti hope this turns out for the best.

it doesn't feel the same.

not having you here, not being able to go to see you or you being able to come here.
everything is different now your gone. and i miss you more then ever.

when there's nothing left we'll be fed our fathers dreams.

this is happening all over again. i will push away those closest, and regret everything i have done.




but i will never leave either of you, my two favourite people, they know who they are.

kill to believe.

i keep counting down the days til you leave.
i hate this so much.
but i am happy that you are doing what you want to, and trying something new.
i will miss seeing you, and you playing with my hair, being fun and being silly at the loft, and making fudge together, i love you so much.
I WILL MISS YOU SOOO MUCH, AHHHH




i'll be so lost without you.

facing the darkness.

i'm not ready for this, i don't want you to leave.

what has become of me.

these things are running through my mind, the words i could have said, but never did.
surrounded by the fear of losing everything i hold dear, and i'm believing that my fears are starting to get the best of me, the days where nothing seemed to matter, and we could do what we wanted without the sense of insecurity. i seem to be running in circles not knowing which way to turn next, lost in feelings, what is real? what has become of everything that was once important to me, has it just faded away to nothing, will i still feel the same when this is over?

it's the little things you miss.

more and more everyday i realize how much you actually meant to me, but i have amazing people in my life and my best friends are one of a kind, i am lucky to have people that are here for me and that will take care of me.




sometimes i wish i had someone who i could share everything, explore the world and all it's wonders with, but i am not that lucky. hopefully soon that boy will walk into my life and shake everything up.